Out of Bondage by Linda Lovelace

Author:Linda Lovelace [Lovelace, Linda]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Biography & Autobiography, Linda Lovelace, Retail, Nonfiction
Publisher: Kensington Publishing Corp.
Published: 2012-09-25T04:00:00+00:00

twenty

I feel now that if my father had known what was happening to me, he would have rescued me. But he didn’t know. And he didn’t rescue me. Then I was off again, swept away by another storm of tears, while Laurendi waited, patiently for me to calm down. What happened was that this whole line of thought had touched an even deeper sadness. It made me realize that I had passed my whole life without really coming to know my father.

How could the parent not know that his child was in trouble? Right now I feel so close to my own children, to Dominic and Lindsay, that if anything is ever hurting them, I’m sure I’ll know about it. And do something about it. Even now I wonder why my parents couldn’t see the hurt in my eyes. Why couldn’t they see my pain and recognize that I was in trouble?

Why didn’t they realize what was happening to their daughter?

The Flashback—

Late one afternoon, Chuck lying on the bed, cleaning his gun. A knock at the front door. My parents. A surprise visit. Chuck whispering to me, “Don’t let them in yet. Before you open the door, take off your robe. ” Me pleading, “Chuck, those are my parents out there. ” Pointing the gun at my head: “Take that robe off right now or I’ll fucking rip it off you. And if you let them know that this was my idea, I’m going to shoot you all. I mean that, babe. All three of you will be fucking dead on the, floor. ”

Naked, walking to the door, opening it. My father blushing and looking away, my mother’s mouth starting to tremble. Chuck throwing me a robe, saying, “Here, put on something decent. How could you answer a door like that? You should have clothes on in front of your own father. ”

They should have realized that “Linda Lovelace” wasn’t their daughter. All of my life they had known me as a prude. They knew I wasn’t sexy and I wasn’t sexually driven. Maybe if I had gone in for that kind of thing before, or if I had shown even some hints of that kind of personality, then I could accept their hands-off attitude. But I had always been a goody-goody, and they knew that.

And that day, as I was taking the lie detector test, I found myself wondering whether anything had really changed, whether anything was better now. I loved my father a great deal, but we weren’t talking at all; I never knew how to reach him.

My father tries to show his feelings, but it’s never through talk. Still, I know he loves me. When he came to visit me not long ago the first thing he did was build a shelf in the baby’s room. Then he helped me measure all the windows for plexiglas storm windows. And he fixed different things around the house that I didn’t know how to repair. Then he hung up a planter for me.

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